Me being overly personal with literally anybody stumbling upon this website. You know, people write self-biographies, but I suppose that usually happens later in life.
This is about me ages roughly 3 to 13. This period of my life I would characterize as lacking any kind of of hardship or ambition.
My earliest memories are of dreams, I think. One, a dream, where I was tied to a chair with a giant humanoid crab-lobster (and I have no clue where that imagery might have come from) standing behind me and threatening to attack me. On the opposite side of the room sat my father, reading a magazine, oblivious. I've never seen my father read a magazine in my life. I struggled in the chair but couldn't call out. Well, that's the dream!
The second dream was of me surrounded by sunflowers, now I remember it as a cozy home-grown sunflower field. It was my favorite dream for a long time. Maybe that's why I like sunflowers so much.
There isn't much to say about kindergarten. I remember being scared by some kid in there, avoiding him at bedtime. And I remember I used to talk to this girl instead of sleeping. And I couldn't remember the name of the logaped, and playing various games with those little pins.
What's next, early school? I suppose I had a friend, his dad sold games or something, and he gifted me some. "SuperCow" a game was called. At school, I saw kids watching "Happy Tree Friends", like, really watching. I found it really diturbing. I didn't wanna be friends with them. I was a quiet kid, saying "no" to as many things as possible. Somehow, I was always good at making jokes. Socially, that was probably the only thing I was good at.
The biggest friend-group i was a part of was in the countryside, even though I really only interacted with like two kids. On one edge of the village, we climbed the tree and fed the goats leaves, one time a goat hit me with it's horn. One time some person I didn't know offered to ride me on a bike, and my leg caught in the weel and it broke my bone. On the other side of the village, we climbed huge concrete plates near a construction yard, with metal garbage scattered around. One could easily die by falling down. Nobody ever fell, I only dropped a sandal once.
Now to some, weird, stuff. At the countryside home I had a pillow I called "my wife". I referred to it as such in the presence of the afromentioned friend. What was wrong with me? Nikita was his name (the friend, not the pillow). Wandering outdoors with him, I used to pretend to be "mind-controlled" by planes passing overhead. I would follow their lead, as if in a trance. Once I followed a plane directly into poison ivy, I think that convinced Nikita that the "mind-control" had some reality to it. Otherwise I would be crazy.
Then I played a lot of Minecraft and Cube World, and we fell apart, and I no longer had any friends in the countryside. Well, there was this old woman, a neighbour. I used to buy sigarretes for her. She would give me candy. Once she asked me, would I still visit her when her husband would die? I thought of course I would, I didn't give a damn about the husband. Then the husband died. I don't think I visited her once the next summer. I felt awkward or something. Did she know something? She died then too. I'm sorry Tamara.
At some point I was building air-planes in a modeling club. Some guy there invited me to a Minecraft server. I think that was the only conversation I ever held with another kid there. Once I burned a hole in my sweater with a soldering iron.
I studied music, and I played in an orchestra. It's a fact about my life that I find almost as distant and hard to believe as when I try to imagine what life was like in the middle ages. The only person I remember from that time was my bayan teacher. Well, "remember". I don't remember her name, only her character, vaguely. I never finished music school because we moved.
I was also in an English club. Once we had a discussion, "What would you do with a million dollars?" Everybody wanted to invest, and I said I would donate half of it, and spend the rest on a game company and a house for my parents. That felt really awkward and I quit the club shortly after.
I was in a couple camps. When we were learning photoshop, I made my "letter" really faux-cringe, with an "MLG" yt-poop aesthetic. At the camp, I was mostly trying to avoid events and play Geometry Dash. When I found out my roommate was transferred to a medical unit, I said how much I would enjoy that happening to me. Some girl commented: "You will never find a girlfriend". I had a Youtube channel at that point too, and my going to the camp really hurt my views.
I think some other girl drew a picture of me for secret santa. And some girl hugged me goodbye when the camp was over, that really surprised me. Is this supposed to be embarassing? That person I am describing, me, less then 10 years ago, I feel no connection to.
At the new school I only made friends with a strange physics-olympiad guy. Whatever.
Finally, I had a passion for something: my YouTube channel.
I had friends again. This time online friends, from the GD community. Lots of them too. Though I wasn't a good friend at all. I would ban people from my discord server whenever I was upset with them. That happened two or three times. Eventually I realized how horribly embarassing and unhealthy that was.
kids trolled irony-poisoned