If you're reading this, I have been drafted to serve in the russian army (not in the war). How did this happen? Good question.
I will be completely cut-off from the outside world. I will be back in a year, in early 2027.
Check back on this website in the meantime, and maybe a scheduled article will pop up.
For the past couple of years I have been living in complete and utter lack of hope for anything conventionally "good" happening in my life. You could say I lost ALL hope. Or maybe that would be optimistic to say.
As I see it, you can live for one of two things:
What's up with higher purpose? If I have to simplify it, I feel disgust towards what our world is and what it is becoming, and I have no clue what I or anyone else can do about it. And so I do not wish to participate in it. And so I barely do. And as far as spirituality goes, my brain has been rotted by materialism beyond belief.
"Ok bro, maybe you just have depression." I checked, I don't. Moreover, I like myself. Maybe I just need to fix my personal life. Maybe. Well, I tried, and tried, and tried again, and every time I feel like I become more inept. And at the same time, I always feel like I'm just half a step away from finally finding a solution. Whatever. What's the point of me telling you this? Good question.
tldr; I do not really care what happens to me - most paths my life can take feel equalliy shitty. And so I sat on my ass until the Russian government finally caught up.
There are few things holding me in this world.
For the better or worse, unless my mental state becomes like 3x worse, I am staying here.